Grieving as a Growth Catalyst
We lost our much loved Gran yesterday.
Aileen Minnie Cass passed away in the early hours of yesterday morning after a battle with a stroke.
I am broken.
But I am been strong for the family. As her only Grandson, I need to be.
It is SO hard though knowing I will never see her again. Never banter with her again. Never sit down and have a cuppa with her. We had an amazing relationship. I loved her.
Writing this article, I realise that I am completely not OK. I thought I was.
But I am smart enough to know that in itself, that is fine. Grieving is natural where each of us handle it differently.
My Gran is an exceptional lady. Incredibly strong. She is 89 years old. 90 in February 2018. It was a serious stroke that took her away from the World.
We had an excellent four weeks with her prior to her fading away. She laughed. We joked. She showed signs of recovery. Doctors even begun to work on a plan of rehabilitation. To release her back home.
All throughout this time, my wife told me one thing about myself though. When I need to be, I am like a rock.
I was that shoulder to cry on for my family. Whilst making sure to rarely show how it was all killing me inside.
I was the optimist pushing Gran to keep on fighting. Music, DVDs, Word Cards, Stress Balls. All things she took with grace and smiles.
She loved Andre Rieu. So we turned her room into an Andre Rieu dance hall!
I was optimistic until Friday last week. My family left me to have five minutes with her alone. I talked. She listened. Semi-conscious. This moment will live with me forever.
Then the day came. I received the call on Monday 16th Sept at precisely 3:00am from my Sister who stayed with her until the last moment.
We knew it was coming. It was my Grandfathers birthday. He passed away when I was a child. Quite a fitting date don’t you think.
It hit us all like a meteor. Smashing our little World apart.
Strangely, Day 1 was OK. We had said our goodbyes. And we were all tired. Sat silently by her bedside.
Day 2 though. Once things started to settle, reality kicked in. I mentioned above… “I am broken”. Understatement of the Century.
It made me think…
Grieving is important but what about long-term?
I recognise having been in the situation for the first time as an adult how difficult it is. Seeing a loved one fade away.
But I asked myself, what would Gran have wanted? To push on, keep going and to show the World how it is done.
It is mostly why I am writing this post.
I recognise that not everyone is fortunate enough to have the same experience as what I have had with a fading loved one.
Four weeks of time with my Gran prior to her passing. A supporting family. A home. A dog to cuddle up to and drown sorrows with.
Whatever may help others as individual people.
It is why I am offering anyone help with their trauma.
Like me, if you need to be that rock in your family, who do you turn to? We need to be there for others but who is there for us?
Now, I recognise I am not a qualified therapist. I do not claim to be.
But what I can be is someone to talk to. A way to vent frustration. A (virtual) shoulder to cry on. An optimist to discuss the future with.
Please do drop me a message and I’ll happily help where I can.
I am also engaging with the Salesforce Foundation to determine courses of action in this space. Stay tuned!
Gran was proud of us all. She wanted us to be our best.
I’m here to prove her right and will use her fading away as a catalyst for my growth and hopefully that of us others.
Keep on improving!
